As I mention in my about me section, I am a bit of an over sharer. Get me on a night out after a couple of glasses of vino and I will tell you my deepest, darkest secrets, even if you don’t want to hear them. I don’t really have a TMI filter and you can read all of my emotions on my face. The morning after the night before often ends in me cringing into my bowl of Crunchy Nuts wondering what the hell I’ve divulged to all and sundry and avoiding my phone in fear of getting one of those ‘OMG I can’t believe you told me that’ messages. Pregnancy put a stop to that for a while. Now that I am no longer eternally pregnant (more about that later), I’ve fallen back off the wagon it is a good a time as any to ‘get it all out in the open.’ I have pretty much suppressed my verbal diarrhoea since July 2015 so watch this space… Lucky you, whoever has stumbled across my blog!
If you follow me on Instagram, you will know that I tend to spam with photos of things I care most about and want to remember; My family, dog, husband, home, holidays and now I have an 8 month old daughter, those little squares are dominated with photos of Maggie. Particularly in the past couple of months when I have actually started to enjoy motherhood. There, I said it out loud. I can’t say that I really enjoyed those first few months of becoming a Mum and I hated myself for it. I never expected it to be all unicorns and rainbows, but I didn’t expect it to feel totally crapola either. During those first 20 weeks, I couldn’t even string a sentence together, let alone write an entire diary entry. I remember even forgetting the word for ‘it’ one day. Plus I had a screaming baby permanently attached to my hip/chest/teat/lap and I never did master multitasking whilst breastfeeding. The most I could manage was scrolling through Instagram at Insta-perfect profiles, which I swear gave me RSI in my thumb… I later blamed that on having a ‘mum-thumb’, a real life medical affliction attributed to breastfeeding and carrying a heavy baby around all day, but who was I trying to kid!
You see, some people would say that I was born to be a Mother. Before having my own daughter I had such a strong maternal instinct I would offer to babysit friends’ babies in preference to going out and getting smashed. I was often told that I would make a brilliant Mum and when I fell pregnant I was so excited at the prospect of having my very own baby that I threw myself into pregnancy, buying every single baby item on the market, reading books, attending various courses/classes – I was sure I was going to take to motherhood like a duck to water. My gorgeous nephew Oscar was born just 4 months prior to Maggie and, because of my credentials, I was drafted in as my sister’s birth partner alongside her husband, helping to deliver him in the most beautiful and serene water birth. I was so prepared to be a Mum, I could have written a book on it.
Speaking of writing a book, my own Mum will be happy that I am finally using this ancient 2009 MacBook that keeps crashing when I try to upload something – I persuaded her to buy it for me when I came over all Carrie Bradshaw one day, announcing that I was going to finally put my English Literature degree to good use and write a book. I wrote one paragraph before I got bored and moved onto something else. If only I could find that paragraph, I’m sure it was a literary masterpiece… Anyway, I digress. Back to the reason for starting my blog. As I said, I am starting to really enjoy Motherhood and feel like the heavy fug that enveloped my every being is finally starting to lift. These past 8 months have presented challenges that I never thought possible to overcome. We are getting to a point where we are all in a happy state but it has taken some hard yards. I want to share an open and honest account of some of the experiences we have been through in those early days/weeks/months and beyond, as well as having a space where I can document our journey which isn’t just a pretty picture posted on Instagram with a cringe-worthy hashtag.
Its taken some deep soul searching to press live on this blog, so please bear with me. I am terrified of criticism but feel its time to grab the bull by the proverbial horns and put myself out there. I am looking forward to taking some time out of my day, with a (large) glass of wine in hand to remember the good days and the bad. I have found great comfort and support from the amazing blogs written by some truly inspiring women and mothers during my darkest days. Instead of just consuming other bloggers’ stories, I feel it is time to throw some of my own journey into the mix – the internet can be a wonderful place and I am excited to jump on board the motherhood train.